Billion Bunny March 2006
Thu, September 14, 2006–8:35 PM
Here, for posterity’s sake, is an accounting of the events concerning the 2006 Billion Bunny March (aka — for the first time ever — the Furry Furillion March) as recounted by Mosbunny, to the best of his somewhat playa addled recollection.
How will this year’s Bunny March be remembered in the annals of Harestory? Will the Hopping, Hop N Fur Bar go down as one of the grooviest Bars on the Playa? Will it be the year the Billion Bunnies, when faced with an indomitable threat from BRC Animal Control, enlisted and allied with all the GENTLE and FREE FURRIED animal folk in BRC for the Furry Furrillion March and persevered?
Will 2006 be remembered for being the year that the Bunnies stood up and unflinchingly decided not to be cowed by the BRC Animal Control powers that be who maintain their iron grip with nets and loud twangers, stringers, bangers and other tools of oppression even if they ARE so stylishly adorned in their red jumpsuits. Will it be the year the BUNNIES armed themselves with thousands (or hundreds at least) of Jedi Light Sabers and were prepared to fight back?
Will it be remembered as the year the MAN was FINALLY BUNNIFIED, with EARS AND ALL?
I suspect it will be remembered for all these things and for the sake of Harestory, here is my recap on the 2006 Billion Bunny March.
Early in the week, rumors were floating back to the Billion Bunnies, Fur and Loafing Camp that the BRC Animal Control were plotting a complete and utter scorched earth campaign against the fun loving and peaceful rabbits at Wheel of Fortune and Anxious.
Why, one may ask, would a group of pseudo fascists be so hell bent upon squashing the HOPES and DREAMS of so many furried loveable and downright cuddly Bunnies? Why indeed?
This year, we had our spies out in full force, and we learned from moles in the Animal Control folks that there were to be no less than 4 trucks with fenced in enclosures and all manner of zip tie handcuffs, tazers, stun and potato guns, cattle prods and other instruments of tortuous enslavements with which the evil freedom despising Animal Control would use to ambush our camp between the hours of 4 and 6 on Thursday, the day of our Billion Bunny March.
We also learned that a contingent of either Evil Clowns, Drunk Santas, Surly Pirates or some other incarnation of inebriated, sloshed, sotted, stewed and or otherwise soused dipsomaniacs could be counted on to attempt a kidnapping of our most exalted leader, MEIN HARE!
NOT MEIN HARE!
Rumor had it MEIN HARE would be captured before the march and every 15 minutes an inch of his esteemed beard would be delivered to us until all demands were met. What those demands were to be, the Bunnies were never to know, thereby making the situation all the more paradoxical to the point of causing an utter consternation and instillation of trepidation that would no doubt paralyze the Bunnies into inaction, thereby canceling the march and ruining the entire day.
This was OBVIOUSLY UNACCEPTABLE.
Then FATE INTERVENED. We were first visited by Badass from 7:30 and Brave early in the week, a sultry Jedi fellow who came to our aid with a 50 pound box of light sabers and who promised to send no fewer than 500 of his finest Jedi knights to defend the BUNNIES on the day of the march. Throughout the week, we enlisted mercenary Jedis such as Crevan the Jedi Fox and Francis and Durgy, both Jedi knights to come to our aid. I made several trips to Camp Carp to try to find Shooter or Metric, who I knew were the leaders of the Chupacabra Police at one time of another, but the Carpsters were all either too drunk or too disinterested to help us find them so that was somewhat of a bust.
We needed body guards for MEIN HARE. Three of our very finest upstanding Bunnies, Stacey, Godfry and Babs Bunny made two DIPLOMATIC MISSIONS to the Death Guild to enlist the help of said Mad Max Rabbits to assist in our mission, but with limited commitments. We also met the wonderful Rebecca of CARTHEDRAL who agreed to help us with our MISSION to PROTECT THE BUNNIES.
Things were moving along nicely in our little Rabbitat Against Humanity. The Hop n’ Fur Bar was
officially up and running on Sunday, a week before the BURN. Simon and Co. put up the observation deck among other things. Glen, our dome guy arrived on Sunday and a fine group effort got the domes up and decorated in time for Bunnificaiton to begin in earnest on Wednesday. Also Kudos to Mr. Trademark who got our sound system running for the Bunny March, It was FABULOUS. And there were so many wonderful bartenders, Freak, Martin, Princess Frilly Pants, Corn Dog, Hot Damn, JennyBird and Judy Bunny to name a few.
But I digress….
Around Wednesday, we learned of a coup, where the possibility that some of our Jedis had turned to the Sith side and joined forces with Animal Control, so I spent a day searching for the
most thuggish elementals in center camp. I enlisted the help of three Clockwork Orange Alex Droogs in complete costumery to help us. I tried to hook up with the Center Camp Mafia, but instead part took of some Love INFUSED WATER which was quite tasty. Our friend d’Andre promised to bring over his friends, the Samoans to keep Animal Control in line.
And the work continued, beautiful work from so many devoted bunnies: Bambi of Finland finished
installing his Fur and Loafing signage on the handrail the Belgians had so graciously installed atop the Cafe Container. Alana and Jerome installed our beautiful Bunny Bar swinging doors. Trademark and Frilly Pants brought out their backdrops. Hot Damn, Bambi, Moze and JennyBird built the bar. So many wonderful talents made it all hoppen and I hope I’ve remembered them all.
MEIN HARE made several Public Service Announcements for the radio stations around our fair City calling for all FREE AND FURRRY SENTINET BEINGS TO SHOW UP ON THURSDAY FOR THE MARCH and to partake in the protestations of the MAN. There was Remo, Crevan, the Penguin Car, the large Bunny Party mobile, the troupe of giraffes, the hyena “people”, even the cupcakes, were all invited. It was looking as if we would achieve such a critical mass that neither CARROT nor ANIMAL CONTROL could contain our joyful march this year.
The Day of the March.
We set up early, putting on the finishing touches of bubble machines and the last of the street signs at 6:30 and Anxious. We lit up the place. MEIN HARE had a Regionals meeting in Sneaky Camp, aka First aka kinda Snoozy camp and Martin, Freak, and I did recon and escorted him in through the rear gate. Martin and Freak remained to serve as body guards whilst I returned to our camp to make sure everything went smoothly. We had Jedis in our shade structure behind the bar whom we plied with alcohol and kept readied in case the Animal Control showed up. Betwixt our Jedi Knights and DPW warriors, a rush of Animal Control would have looked like some kind of carnage from the movie Braveheart and I am greatly pleased *that* did not transpire.
As usual, Bunnies dripped in in bits and driblets. Corn Dog tended the bar like a pro. Nelda performed mad Dr. Frankenpeep experiments with the microwave. The Bunnies were getting tanked. We had Bunny Brides, Neon Bunny showed up with his mobile sound system. Harebert was there. The Zoom bunnies showed up. There were Rabbits and Hares and Bears and Foxes. There were Wolverines and Zebras and Cats and Dogs. There were all manner of FREE ANIMALS, drinking it up and readying themselves for the march! And the dome was alive with misting and much bunnyfying and earification, with splendiferous dehumanification and rebirth into rabitation! JennyBird and Babs Bunny painted a Billion faces.
The Inner Bunny reborn! The gentle Playa Creature Freed and let loose to ask only, “LET ME HOP, LET ME SKIP, LET ME NIBBLE IN PEACE!”
Then MEIN HARE ARRIVED — safely surrounded by his bodyguard contingent and WE the teeming mass that had grown from several dozen to many hundreds over two hours, marched to BMIR Radio and took over, forcing the city to listen to the BUNNY HOP. We Took over CENTER CAMP and successfully overwhelmed the pod of hippies, forcing them to run for cover and stop their incessant Tai Chi as we Hop Hop Hopped and MEIN HARE read our MANIFESTO.
Then we triumphantly made our way out of Center Camp, on our way to the MAN with narely an Animal Control Fascist in site.
There were no Red Suits of Fear. There were no enclosures or nets or snares, only FREE HOPPING SPACE FOR THE BILLION HARES!!! There were no Damn you Ra$pas forced down our throats. There were, however, several tasty carrots, but they were on a mission of Peace and they were DEELISH!.
The THREAT was all for naught and a BILLION BUNNIES HELD THEIR PROTEST SIGNS AND THEIR LIGHT SABERS HIGH ABOVE THEIR HEADS SCREAMING WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE!
And THEN, and THEN…. the ears began rising behind the man. A set of ears built by one of our very own bunnies, one Joshua, and they were of the most exemplary and quintessential variety, for as people realized in a rush, just where the ears became the MAN, just where they COMPLETED the MAN, JUST WHERE THEY TRANSFORMED THE MAN, well, then all of Bunnydom suddenly made sense. THIS WAS the FINAL AFFIRMATION. IT WAS INDEED THE DAY THE BUNNIES RULED BLACK ROCK CITY.
The BUNNY MARCH WAS A RESOUNDING SUCCESS! It was to always be remembered as the year we stared into the possible abyss of FEAR and instead overwhelmed it with HOPE.
…. and what of the BRC Animal Control? Evidently some burningman TV crew had stopped by thier BRC Animal Control Kamp of Horrors right around the time of the march and they were all too distracted and start struck and downright drunk to realize that they’d missed the entire march. They were too enamored of their 15 minutes of fame and the camera to realize what was hoppening, or so that’s the rumor.
However, the Bunnies know the truth, for we have STOOD together and fought back the forces of evil and won. The animals of Black Rock City shall from this year on, never fear the tyranny of the Animal Control again. Future Bunnies will look back at this year and remember our struggle. They will remember our sacrifice and they will be proud. Our time has come and we SHALL remain FREE my CUDDLY CREATURE COMRADES!!
IT IS A NEW DAY.
The March ended up, late into the night with much wanton abandonment back at the Fur and Loafing, Hop n. Fur Bar and much merriment and momentous wonderment came into fruition.
HOP HOP HORAY!!!!!
This has been One Bunny’s Take on the events of Thursday, August 31st, 2006 In Black Rock City Nevada